Who I am...

I have never really been a writer.  I often stumble over my thoughts, unable to get them down on paper the way they run through my mind, but I have decided to give this blogging business a try.  More than anything to be able to look back at experiences and adventures years from now and see how much I have grown and changed as a person, and more importantly as a Christian.

I was just recently baptized, more specifically August 26th, 2012.  Now many of you might be thinking, weren't you baptized as an infant, why did you need to do it again? I call myself a "for always" Christian.  I have never not known the Lord, not for one second.  I was raised in a Lutheran church, attended Sunday school for as long as I can remember, was baptized as an infant and confirmed as an 8th grader.  The Lord has always brought me comfort, has always had a place in my life, and has always just been there.  There was only one problem; while the Lord was in my life, I was not living for the Lord.  I was just going about my everyday business, going to church on Sundays and calling myself a Christian.  I had a bible but never opened it (however I moved it with me throughout all of college, every dorm, every apartment).  I prayed, but only the prayer I was taught as a child before I went to bed.  What I was missing was a relationship with the Lord.  He was speaking to me, but I wasn't speaking back.  He lead me to my husband at ever so young age of 15, he gave me patience when our faith differed, he lead me from church to church until I found my home.  (Church shopping is not a very fun thing just so everyone knows, but that is for a different post...)

As most of you know I have a very emotionally taxing job, I work with little kids who come in the door of my hospital dying.  We either fix them and they live, or they don't.  The Lord could see that I was wavering and sent me a sign, Alpha class. (www.alphausa.org) The class was just about to begin at River Valley Church (at the time it was my semi-home, just because I hadn't found anything I liked any better), my friend thought it would be fun so we decided to go together.  I was not very open minded but had some free Tuesdays so I figured why not, it was free dinner! Boy was I wrong! The Lord gave me a gift in that class, well multiple gifts.  The premise of the class is to explore the meaning of faith and spirituality, while reflecting on your life and your beliefs.  At the point in my life, I was in my last semester of nursing school and working half time at the hospital.  Spring of 2012 was the hardest time in my life to date.  We lost some amazing kids at work, kids I had spent months getting to know and love as I took care of them.  I was mad at the Lord, really mad.  I met an amazing family with tremendous faith that taught me that this world and our loss and suffering is part of a bigger plan that we can't even begin to comprehend.  As I said goodbye to their sweet child one last time, I vowed to make a change in my life, to live for things that are bigger than myself, to live for the Lord.  I went to church that evening and made a promise to myself and to everyone around me that I will live as a Christ follower, that I believe in nothing else but him and what he did for me.  He died on the cross so that my sins will for always be forgiven, he gave the ultimate sacrifice.

It is because of him and what he did, that I know I will see my sweet friend again in heaven, and all of the other angel children I know are looking down on me...

So back to the baptism thing (apparently I get side tracked easily)

My church, (my forever church after my amazing revelation and Alpha experience) believes in something called a Believers Baptism.  As an infant in my church you are dedicated to the Lord, your parents vow to raise you in the church, teach you about Christ and bring you up in a Christian home.  When you are old enough to believe and decide that you are going to live for Jesus and no one else (they call it getting saved.. I don't like that term as it reminds me of a southern baptist church with lots of hollering about Jesus being the only way and so on..) you can chose to participate in a water baptism.  An outward sign, of an inward change.  So that is what I chose to do, I chose to be re-baptized as a renewed believer in Christ.  I wanted to show my friends and family that I had made a choice for myself to believe in Jesus Christ, and live my life as a Christian. It was AMAZING!!!! Two of my friends also decided to make this life changing decision with me, and boy was I happy I other people to share this experience with.  Our annual church picnic served as a gathering place for all members of all of our church locations.  Two by two we got up and were baptized in front of everyone at the picnic.  The worship team was playing amazing music, and everyone was worshiping the lord while we waited to get baptized.  One of the most exciting parts of this experience was that one of the pastors who baptized me was also the pastor who taught the Alpha course that changed my life! I was beyond thrilled to be given this privilege, and am so thankful to God for putting him in my life! (Thanks pastor Anthony!!)

There are many doors that have been opened and I am excited to share this journey with you! An exciting preview, which I promise to blog about soon is a trip to Africa to open a church in the country of Swaziland!!

I will leave you with the lyrics from a song entitled Remind me who I am by Jason Gray

When I lose my way,
And I forget my name
Remind me who I am
In the mirror all I see
Is who I don't wanna be
Remind me who I am

In the loneliest places
When I cant remember what grace is

Tell me, once again
Who I am to You, who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
Who I am to You, that I belong to You
To You